The last 23 days..

Everyone asks me if I'm excited to leave and really, I am. But I've been so focused on work, making money and worrying about money that actually leaving is so far off my mind. I don't even think about it. I think about checking my schedule to see where I could fit another shift, who I could call to get another shift, and if I should pre-pack my overnight bag. I think about time managing the books I'm illustrating, though to be honest, I'm really not worried about getting them in on time. I'm good with deadlines. I worry about how much my effing vaccines are going to cost me, but leaving, actually leaving seems surreal.

I know once I'm on the bus it will all hit. After, when I get out of freight, internally cursing how much I payed to ship my bike to Connecticut. When the bus starts to roll away, the morning sun beaming through my window, shining a new development in my life. I will feel it then.

But I don't even think about it. Funny right?

I find myself rationalizing, thinking; what are you doing? Are you insane? Why don't you just stay at your job, get an apartment by yourself; it's been 6 years since you've had your own place. You're due for a management position if you stick it out, you know that. Winter won't be that bad.
I know it's something else plugging those thoughts into my over worked brain. I know in my heart what I'm doing is right, what I know I've been longing to do for so long.
Funny, when you hit the nail on the head, the voices stop. For a while at least.

But it's all good. I'm leaving, I know it, don't freak out everyone! I'm not taking off to Hawaii with all your cash. But I figure doubt is a normal thing, especially being so new to this. But I trust Him. He hasn't failed me yet, through so much testing! This has not been an easy road, but every time He says follow, it's hard, but there's always a reward at the end of the tunnel. And being a Christian for 7 months now, this still boggles me.

So work, illustrate, sleep. And then the bus to salvation. Finally.